November 30, 2006

Hellmo

Filed under: Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 10:26 am

Every cuddly lovable creature must have a bad side. For some time now I’ve been trying to firgure out where Elmo hides his. Could it be in that drawer with mind boggling questions (”On a birthday cake”)? Could it be somewhere in Mr. Noodles flat? Or maybe it’s out in the hallway we never see? The one to which that door opens.

Wrong on all counts, because I’ve found where Elmo’s scary bad side - Hellmo - hides. It’s right in plain sight, sort of, in select Kid Robot stores. They call him Mukku, but I know better.

“Mukku stands 8-inches tall and is made of soft vinyl covered in fuzzy red thread. He features goggly eyes, posable arms, and a spinning propeller on his head. ” - KidRobot

Is your kid feeling lousy? He’s not alone…

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:38 am

“School administrators enforce a “no nit” policy in an effort to contain the spread of head lice, yet there’s little evidence to suggest that the policy is effective. Nationwide, it’s estimated that 12 million to 24 million school days are lost annually. ” - npr

Giant leap for mankind, small pill for man

Filed under: Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:22 am

Aside from the opening newcast interview in which a woman expresses doubt by decalring, “Every player in the world is gonna be like, ‘C’mon baby, you know I take the pill’…”, I’m taking the news of an oral contraceptive for men seriously. I just hope it comes without those crazy hormone issues my wife tells me about… but then again I can just be grumpy and blame it on the pill. (Y! News video here)

November 29, 2006

Smile! You’ve been canned by a camera…

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 12:33 pm

“Is getting a nannycam normal, or is it kind of creepy? First off, recognize that if you install the camera without your nanny’s knowledge, you’ve entered a gray area. Legal scholars are divided as to whether your nanny has a right to privacy in your home. Of course, plenty of parents have used them secretly, and according to Rhyder McClure of The New York NannyCam Company, surveillance yields results: “For 20 percent of all the cameras we install,” he says, “the nannies are fired the next day.” Yikes.” - Wired (via PS)

Black to school

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 11:13 am

“School board trustees in this Orange County suburb have voted to stop using students’ race to determine where they will go to school.

The vote Monday was part of a settlement with parents who sued the Capistrano Unified School District for including ethnicity as a factor when new school boundaries were drawn last year.” - Y! News

Alumillenium

Filed under: Review, Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:05 am

Not coming to a record store near you, is The White Stripe’s new euphonious collaborative musical opus Aluminium. “An album of English interpretations of great American songs, written by a great American songwriter,” hence the spelling (to further confuse Americans three I’s are used for the website either as a reference to Mr. White being the third Jack in his familial lineage, or to the fact that Aluminium has three states of oxidation).

Though there was much low-key industry hype surrounding the album’s release, it was uncertainty I felt as I entered my credit card details in the all too welcoming fields on the website, not sure what my seemingly impersonal purchase would get me. But this is the 21st century after all, the new millennium, where impersonality reigns.

“Aluminium is an album of avant garde orchestral recordings of music written by Jack White of The White Stripes,” I remember the promotional information promising. And on receiving my package in the post, opening it, listening to the first track – rendered into a near perfect theme worthy of the Mission Impossible franchise – I realized that the disc would deliver anything but the expected.

Produced by Joby Talbot and Richard Russell, the orchestral compositions are the sonic opposite of the pared down drum and guitar tracks that have made Jack White’s main band, the White Stripes, one of rock and roll’s it bands.

Never one to rest on his overly creative laurels, Jack White, who also plays in that other band currently creating buzz, the Raconteurs, welcomed the idea of Aluminium, which was conceived, fittingly, while Mr. Russell was listening to his iPod.

“June, Hyde Park, London. Listening to Andrew Loog Oldham’s ‘Rolling Stone songbook’ on my iPod, it’s good, but I wish it wasn’t quite such easy listening,” says Mr. Russell in an online diary entry on the project’s website. “Like a lot of music, it’s best when it’s extreme. I start thinking of the song Aluminum from White Blood Cells by The White Stripes, which is really extreme, it isn’t even a song in the traditional sense, it’s got no verses or choruses, it’s basically a riff which is relentlessly worked over, and it would make sense to me that an orchestra would play it. I decide that I want to make that happen.”

It would also make sense that Mr. White’s representative XL Recordings label would see the artistic, credible and commercial viability of such a project and happily grandfather it under the XL umbrella.

As you listen to the recording, the neurons in your auditory cortex—those sensors in your brain charged with making sense of new aural experiences—begin attempting to figure things out. They tell you that you like what you hear, but you have no visual association, no precedence.

If it were the new Shirley Manson album, on which Mr. White recently collaborated, you’d conjure images of the sultry pale pop singer backed by the members of Garbage. Instead, because the album is so un-Stripesish, your mind creates beautiful little films to which each track acts as a score; films that could be directed by the Wachowski brothers, or Hitchcock, or Mel Brooks. In other words, films similar only in their climactic scale.

The album is bursting with ethereal emotions – anxiety on track one (Aluminum); melancholy on track three (Why Can’t You Be Nicer To Me?); fear on track eight (Who’s A Big Baby?). It’s a perturbatious roller coaster ride filled with instrumental twists and turns, albeit a short one (most songs barely make it past the three-minute mark).

This most passionate response to the music contained on Aluminium was not lost on its collaborative creators. Another diary entry by Mr. Russell: “When Jack hears Aluminum, he jumps up and starts shouting. Meg is quiet and demure, as ever, but then I realize that she’s saying, softly, ‘this is amazing’. Then the song Aluminum segues into I’m Bound To Pack It Up, and I don’t want to look too hard, but I get the feeling that Jack is getting emotional, and Meg wants me to see.”

The only vocals on the disc can be heard at the beginning of track seven, Let’s Build A Home, when a barely comprehensible and tiny voice emotes something to the effect of, “Okay… you gonna sound in that books.” Its inclusion is as baffling as the track’s choppy, quick-paced composition, filled with sinkholes of silence.

Toward the end of album comes The Hardest Button To Button (track nine) which reminds the listener that, “Oh yeah, this has something to do with that White Stripes band.”

It’s the apple that didn’t fall far from the tree with its instrumentation sounding the way you expected the entire album to – like the philharmonic doing Stripes covers. The tune is the only relative disappointment on the album. Yet even so, it is only disappointing when compared to the other nine pieces of “hypnotic, repetitious, enigmatic” musical mastery.

To call this an art project, and not simply a musical one, would not be an overstatement. The disc is packaged with art cards designed by Rob Jones that feature trivial information on the album’s metal namesake (with purchasers of LPs receiving a section of an original silk screen print). And though one card informs you that, “Aluminium is the 3rd most abundant element in the Earth’s crust”, the album, its sonic equivalent, is limited to a pressing of only 3,333 discs (of which mine is number 2,422) and 999 LPs.

I should report that I was somewhat wrong about the impersonal nature of my purchase.

“Thank you for purchasing the album Dez”, read the electronically generated letter included in the CDs postal packaging. “We appreciate your support of the Aluminium project.”

For the price paid (almost £20 with International shipping) I would have been pleasantly surprised if the ‘thank you’ were penned by Jack White himself. But he is, thankfully, far too busy for that.

+ also published on the PixelSurgeon website

November 28, 2006

Bob London

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 2:47 pm

Bob draws pictures. Very beautiful pictures of adults. But also beautifully scary pictures of children… and Kate Moss.

Coochie-coochie-coo

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 12:20 pm

Britney Spears’ vagina has been making Paris-like news lately. Everyone’s abuzz about her buzzed beaver. But have paparazzi and general pubic - oops, Freudian slip - public stopped to recognize that this is the place from whence her sons Sean Preston and Jayden James came into this pop crazy world?

(pics here if you dare)

Non-greasy spoon

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 10:43 am

Your kid won’t eat his vegetables? Okay, let him eat with his vegetables:

“Nothing quite fun like making your own forks, spoons and knives using your.. VEGETABLES and what not. Vegetable Cutlery. Bon Appetit!” - UnhaEngels

The DJ Show! The History of Thanks

Filed under: VidKids (The DJ Show!) — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 8:36 am


Devon attends two schools. On Wednesday before Thanksgivng he skipped his 3-day a week school to attend his 2-day a week school to take part in a special Thanksgiving presentation of the history of the native peoples and the pilgrims. Here is the film we created from the footage big mama shot.

November 27, 2006

Sad facts

Filed under: Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:45 am

“By age 3, children whose parents were professionals had vocabularies of about 1,100 words, and children whose parents were on welfare had vocabularies of about 525 words. ”

“The average I.Q. among the professional children was 117, and the welfare children had an average I.Q. of 79. ”

“In the professional homes, parents directed an average of 487 “utterances” — anything from a one-word command to a full soliloquy — to their children each hour. In welfare homes, the children heard 178 utterances per hour. ”

“By age 3, the average child of a professional heard about 500,000 encouragements and 80,000 discouragements. For the welfare children, the situation was reversed: they heard, on average, about 75,000 encouragements and 200,000 discouragements.” - NYTimes (find out how to combat these discrepances)

Muffy and Fluffy, our new pets

Filed under: Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:24 am

Our son has been interested in his body lately. I’ve observed him observing himself on many occasions. He stands at a profile to the mirror and sucks in his stomach, then extends it into a fleshy balloon. Or he’ll face forward and explore sensations by poking and pinching at his nipples.

He’s also interested in what he and I have in common. When it comes time for a pop/son bath, he is always surprised that both he and I have the same private parts in both of our ‘diapers’: “Poppa penis. Look, Devon have penis too.” That’s him, not me.

What most intrigues our son though, are the dissimilarities between his mom’s body and his. At times his inquisitiveness takes a comedic turn and leaves us struggling to keep a straight face while giving these basic lessons in anatomy.

On a recent evening as we played a bit of indoor baseball – our downstairs neighbors love us – the game was halted, not for rain or manic fans, but because the pitcher’s interest suddenly switch from the ball in his had to the two ball-like objects under his mommy’s shirt.

He raised his mom’s blouse, baring her bra-less breasts and asked, pointed to the one on the right and asked, “What that?”

His mom had heard and answered the question before and so she responded with a curious, “I don’t know. What is that Devon?”

Without missing a beat he chimed, “That’s mommy breast.”

“Okay,” she responded. But he wasn’t done.

Pointing to its twin he said, “That mommy other breast.”

“Yes you’re right Devon,” responded his mom, “that’s mommy’s breast too.”

Then in a manner worthy of the best straight-faced, deadpan comedian he inquired, “Can I pet ‘em?”

When all the laughing died down, I suggested to my wife that our son had just solved the ongoing debate we had been having as to whether we would ever have family pets. For now we were the proud caretakers of sweater kittens.

{yes I did recieve special permission to post this incident after being censored on my last funny wife post attempt}

November 26, 2006

Oh great, I can’t wait

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:05 am

“Among other things, he’s announced that he wants to grow his hair longer — and sometimes greets his father with “Yo, Dad!”

“Little comments will come out of his mouth that have a bit of that teen swagger,” says Tom Plante, Zach’s dad.

Thing is, Zach isn’t a teen. He’s 10 years old — one part, a fun-loving fifth-grader who likes to watch the Animal Planet network and play with his dog and pet gecko, the other a soon-to-be middle schooler who wants an iPod.” - Y! News

November 25, 2006

Yeah, smallie size that for me, er, him…

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 8:49 pm

“Little Monster’s Ms. Hyman, a flop-haired, youngish 49-year-old, said she recognized a need “to be catered to musically” among fellow parents. “I wouldn’t feed my daughter McDonald’s every day,” she said. “Why would I want her listening to something of that same standard?” - NYTimes

November 24, 2006

Hip-hop pop

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 2:12 pm

As far as dad songs go, this has got to be the strangest:

It trips me out how you pick up all my traits
From the way that you spit to the fists that you make
I watch the way you try to keep your mom happy
Daddy learned that from you
You’re supposed to learn that from daddy
I can’t teach much when it comes to women
I drive safe and slow but don’t know nothing ’bout the engine
You’re doing good little man thats all I really meant
I love you
You’re my best friend, thanks for listening
- Little Man, by Atmosphere

The Weekend Walkthrough (Nov. 24 - 26)

Filed under: Yak — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 10:05 am

POP’S PICK: Last weekend after our weekly shopping ‘event’ at Trader Joe’s, we headed down to the tip of Manhattan and embarked on a nautical journey… aboard the Staten Island Ferry. ‘Twas totally fun, parking was totally easy and it all took place totally indoors (the ferry is enclosed). Do it before it gets totally cold.

MID-WEEK DON’T MISS
Feel the Afrobeat
Get down to the funky musical legacy of Nigerian legend Fela Kuti
If you’ve got a kid who really likes to dance, you might want to check out the Afrobeat music at BAMcafé. To prepare for the Red Hot + RIOT LIVE! concert this weekend in honor of the late Fela Kuti, the firebrand who gave the musical style its name, several of today’s artists will perform their different approaches to this fusion of traditional African rhythms, jazz and fun—for no charge.
Tues 28–Thu 30 at 9pm. BAMcafe in the Jay Sharp building, 30 Lafayette Ave between St. Felix St and Ashland Pl (718-636-4100). Subway: C to Lafayette Ave; G to Fulton St; 2, 3, 4, 5 to Atlantic Ave. FREE .

Penguins, penguins everywhere
Great wintry kid movies make for a nice warm afternoon inside
While CGI penguins are dancing into a theater near you, your smaller tyke might find Pingu, a small claymated penguin more enjoyable to watch (and you might find the ticket price more palatable—only $6). As part of their Big Movies for Little Kids series, Cobble Hill Cinemas will be showing Pingu: Meet Pingu this Monday.
Mon 27 at 4pm. Cobble Hill Cinemas, 265 Court St, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn (718-596-9113). Subway: F, G to Bergen St. $6, children under 2 free and must sit on adult’s lap.

FRIDAY
UrbanBaby
Healthy Mr. Potato Head
Check out a one-stop shop for everything potato, including a display of potato varieties and healthy recipe demos. Kids can learn the “Potato Power” song and dance, and take a photo with a life-size Healthy Mr. Potato Head.
When: Through Fri., 11/24, 10am-6pm.
Where: Chelsea Market, 75 9th Ave. (bet. 15th & 16th St.).

FlavorPill
Got a sitter? Lucky you.
Several Witty Observations
when: Now through Sun 11.26 (Fri-Sun: 7:30pm)
where: La MaMa E.T.C. (74A E 4th St, 212.475.7710)
price: $20
Several Witty Observations begins in the theater’s foyer with director/performer Leszek Bzdyl carrying out a series of yoga-like positions instilled with a wry dose of humor.

SATURDAY
UrbanBaby
My New York
In a play about diversity, a competition to design a mural called “My New York” divides a group of friends. Each is determined to win, but how will they decide whose neighborhood best represents the real New York?
When: Sat.-Sun., 11/25-11/26, 11am & 1pm; Ages 3-12; $18.
Where: Vital Children’s Theater, 2162 Broadway at 76th St., 212-579-0528.

SUNDAY
WillyBee’s
Michael Leyden’s Acoustic Corral
Sunday, November 26th, 11 am – 1 pm
Willy Bee’s Weekly Music-and-Brunch Series
Mike plucks the silly strings and plays favorites off “Where Are Your Piggies’” and his new CD, “Gabdern Chicken.” The kids will giggle and the adults find tidbits for belly laughs.
Admission: Suggested $5/person contribution to performers
Located: 302 Metropolitan Avenue, BK, NY

Kids these days

Filed under: Briefs — Big Poppa (aka Dez Williams) @ 9:44 am

“In the basement of his parents’ Oakland Township home, tucked away in an area most aren’t privy to see, Thiago is exhausting his love of physics on a project that has taken him more than two years and 1,000 hours to research and build — a large, intricate machine that , on a small scale, creates nuclear fusion.” - DFP (via PS)

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