Did you get the memo? Well if you aren’t a 16 to 20-something year old you problaby didn’t. I hapened to come accross a discarded copy in the bling-hop section of Virgin Mega store (I was only passing through).
MEMO
To: MTV2 Viewers
New episodes of Wonder Showzen on MTV2’s Sic ‘Em Friday begining Mar. 31st.
POP’S PICK: Enough of this kids’ stuff. It’s time to hire a sitter (or call your friends’ on their repeated baby sitting bluffs) and go out a do something grown up. Or at least something that you can both enjoy. Hopefully we’ll be able to see Moto VJ at Monkey Town
[update on last week: if you made it to the Pomme opening you probably met a 2D printed version of my son doing his best impression of Sinatra in ‘Singing in the Rain’.]
FRIDAY
IFC Film Center
Drawing Restraint 9
A labor of Matthew Barney and Björk’s love, Drawing Restraint 9 is Barney’s first major film since his epic Cremaster Cycle. Commissioned by the 21st Century Museum of Contemporary Art in Kanazawa, Japan, the film enacts abstracted Japanese rituals aboard a whaling ship. Wrapped in fur kimonos, the couple performs a tea ceremony before cutting each other to pieces while liquid Vaseline floods the ship. The sharp, stylized cinematography, glacial pace, oozing liquids, and sexual metaphors are familiar from Cremaster, but Björk’s quietly ethereal charisma mixes up the familiar, and her haunting score is used to great effect — particularly during the gory climax. (BR) – Flavor Pill
when: Opens Wed 3.29
where: IFC Center (323 6th Ave, 212.924.7771) map
price: $10.75
Monkey Town
“Hello everyone,
I am going to perform a live video mix at Monkey Town this Friday, March 31st, as part of the EyeWash’s *Sound+Motion* event (you can find more info about this event and the venue at the bottom of this message).
This is a special occasion for me because it will be the first time I will mix visuals over Otto’s special mixed track in NYC.
So please stop by! I’m scheduled to perform twice on Friday, from 7:30PM and from 10:00PM, each performance will last approx. 25 minutes” – m
Friday, March 31
at Monkeytown
58 N 3rd St
(btw. Kent & Wythe)
Williamsburg, Brooklyn 11211
Seatings at 7:30pm and 10pm. Live-mix video til 1am, $5
Tonic
107 Norfolk Street
(Between Delancey & Rivington)
212-358-7501
–Fri, Mar 31–
* Paul Duncan plus Jason Friedman (of the Boggs) plus Kristeen Young at
8pm
* The Bunker in subTonic at 10pm
SATURDAY
Bowl More
Harlem Lanes,
2116 Adam Clayton Powell Jr. Boulevard,
at 126th Street, third floor (212-678-2695 or harlemlanes.com).
“Take it easy, champ. Slip on your Pro Grip and schlep your eight-pounder over to Harlem Lanes — the bi-level bowling alley and party space opens tomorrow in the (rapidly rejuvenating) Upper Upper West Side.” – Daily Candy
Brooklyn Museum
200 Eastern Parkway,
Brooklyn, New York 11238-6052
Target First Saturdays
In a change from their usual Brazilian samba-offs and mash-up DJ sets, the Brooklyn Museum’s First Saturday party takes on a sillier tone this week. William Wegman’s doggy dress-up exhibition, Funney/Strange, is at the center of the festivities, which include classic silent-film shorts featuring the artist’s trademark canines, workshops mimicking the spirit of Wegman’s art, and the Upright Citizens Brigade hiding guerilla comedy in places you’d least expect it. The evening is topped off by a disco party boasting dance lessons in forgotten ’70s classics like the hustle, giving you a chance to get your Tony Manero on in the Beaux-Arts court. (CA) – Flavor Pill
when: Sat 4.1 (5-11pm)
where: Brooklyn Museum of Art (200 Eastern Pkwy, Bklyn, 718.638.5000) map
price: FREE
The Presets w/ the Heavycoats
Sat 4.1 (9pm) Sin-é (150 Attorney St, 212.388.0077)
Walking (and rocking) over the line separating pop and electro, Aussie duo the Presets drench the front row in sweat and synths. Baltimore’s Heavycoats open with moody, echoey anthems and Edge-style guitarwork. (LT) – Flavor Pill
SUNDAY (brunches are good for hangovers)
Willy Bee’s
302 Metropolitan Ave,
BK, NY 11211
THIS SUNDAY: April 2nd, 11 a.m. - 1 p.m.
Henry and Lee
Stop in for our Music-and-Brunch series and join Henry and Lee for a hootin’ hoedown of a good time! Enjoy the music! Eat your brunch al fresco if it’s a nice day! Celebrate Spring!
Reggae Playground
Putumayo Kids kicks off the release of their new CD with a family concert featuring the award-winning performer Asheba. This Trinidad-born artist is an engaging musical storyteller who uses his voice, guitar and steel drums to bring popular Caribbean calypso and folk tradition to life.
When: Sun., 4/2 at 11am; All ages; $5/Adults $3/Kids.
Where: Bank Street Bookstore, 610 West 112th St. at Broadway, 212-678-1654. - Urban Baby
“We’re interrupting our regularly scheduled Clamor email updates to notify you of an exclusive subscription sale currently underway. You want that subscription to Clamor, right? Now is your chance to get it for just $15.” - Clamor Magazine
Like me, you probably get tons of junk-mail via whatever email service you use. Unlike me you probably do not have an irresistible anal desire to check every one even though they have been neatly sorted in the folder slated for ‘bulk’ deletion.
Well, since I check ‘em anyway, and have come across a few cool names doing so, I’ve decided to give you, future parent, a chance to forgo those pricey professional baby name experts and use my handy Yahoo! Junk-Mail Baby Name Generator V 0.001.
The names are listed on the right of this blog under a header of the same title with a snip from the subject of the junk-mail sent and a link to a Yahoo! web search of that name.
Have fun naming your next tax right off!
In the Chuck Palahniuk written, David Fincher directed flick Fight Club, somewhere close to the opening scene the narrator realizes that somehow, without his knowledge, his life has become decidedly different.
It comes with new accouterments and a bit of the American dream, but he’s just not ready for it.
Sound familiar thus far?
In order to feel better about his new existence, he attends a few support groups at the local community center. In these meetings members deliver heart wrenching sob stories that detail personal misfortune, and this somehow serves as a boost to the narrator’s own outlook on life.
In a similar manner metropolitan moms all over form postpartum informal support groups. They meet in parks, cafes, sometimes even bars in cities across the country and discuss everything from sorry sore nipples to partners that wont take that extra committal step.
I’m sure I’m not the only dad that has been inadvertently drawn in to such a group, sitting silently absorbing the grueling tales. No new dad would intentionally seek out and submit to these sit-ins, we hear enough at home. But - after the first few moments - these meetings filled with palpable empathy (purely on the moms’ part) serve as a pointed reminder of how good, as a dad, we’ve got it.
Soon though, the monthly, then weekly, then daily meetings are not enough to satiate me. It just all starts sounding like yapping, trap flapping. Like the narrator in Fight Club I want more… but where do I get it?
I want my own testosterone driven bitch fest. Somewhere that I can go, drink a beer and talk about being popbellied as comfortably as discussing politics. Somewhere that dads can feel comfortable crying over the cool ‘70s ride they lost to a child-friendly SUV, or the fact that the time is coming when they’ll have to listen to the new MF DOOM album with headphones.
It’s true that a lack of lactating, or an partner not pulling his weight might be more pressing concerns, but us men have issues too, and we want to air them gotdamnit! “But such a forum will never exist right?” I ask myself. “I mean, we’re men for chrissakes, we’re hardwired to suck it up.”
Then out of blinding back lighting materialized this guy. He’s cool, about my age, my height, but has no signs of the onset of poppa pudge. He’s friendly and easy-going in a manner I find it hard to be anymore. We get to talking. He has two daughters. “What!?!?” I exclaim. “But, but, but -” then he tells me about it. The Blight Club. And he asked that I share it with you.
Yes, I know, it’s what you’ve been waiting for. But first a few rules:
The 1st RULE of Blight Culb is: You absolutely must talk about Blight Club.
The 2nd RULE of Blight Club is: You must watch Fight Club.
3rd RULE: If someone says “stop” or goes limp, taps out, their plight is over.
4th RULE: Only two beers per night.
5th RULE: Be polite at all times please.
6th RULE: No hisses, no boos. After all, we are men.
7th RULE: Your verbal flight will go on as long as it has to.
8th RULE: If this is your first night at Blight Club, your alibi must be tight.
Blight Club has created a grand release to balance out the rest of my paternal 9-5. Now I sleep soundly, the bad dreams involving teenaged insanity and gigantic college tutions have dissipated. All-in-all I am a much healthier dad mentally. And this post proves it. Right?
“Attention parents. Public schools are closed Thursday and Friday and spring is in zee air! Join Sharon Seitz, author of ‘Big Apple Safari for Families, The Urban Park Rangers Guide to Nature in New York’, for a family nature hike in Prospect Park. 10 am, Friday, March 31, 2006. Meet inside the park, on the Binnen Bridge. $10 per family” - Flying Squirrel
“Cross-dressing mom nabs kids, then poses as ex-hubby: Feds - A woman accused of abducting her two young children from their father, then dressing like a man so she could assume his identity, agreed yesterday to return to Arizona where she faces kidnapping charges, authorities said.” - Associated Press
From morning to nighttime my wife and I are servants to the plump little papoose. But at around 7:30pm we wrestle our lives back in order to enjoy some semblance of normal life (and that includes muted teenage couch sex too).
My son’s 7:30pm bedtime didn’t come easy, it took us lots of nerve racking methodology and near torturous conditions to get him on this routine. Below I have outlined 5 things that helped him hit the pillows hard.
1) He never really slept in our bed past a couple months old. We had made sure to purchase one of those secure sleeping devices
2) We give him a good meal before bed. This was easier for us to do than most parents, because at 3 months his teeth started coming in, he bit the breast that fed him, and so he started the bottle from then on. He would still wake for a 2am feeding out of habit, but we discouraged this be giving him a bottle of water. Of course he hated this and screamed bloody murder, but soon he just stopped waking at night.
3) The room temperature was a difficult one to figure out at first, and it was our pediatrician who suggested that a cooler than normal room would encourage sleeping. Our house was always hot, so we’d crack a window on our side of the room, dress him cozily and bundle ourselves from the draft that passed over us to cool the entire room.
4) Humidifiers are great, but now they make ‘em too quiet. We bought one from a rinky-dink mom and pop store. When we brought it home and plugged in it, it made a wonderful humming sound – not too loud, not too quite. Now we can watch movies in the next room at a normal volume without disturbing his sleep.
5) Now that he’s a toddler his routine goes something like this: - read a book – then he turns on the humidifier – then he turns out the light – then we snuggle and he has some milk – then I place him in the crib with Mr. Snuggles and 9 times out of 10 he doesn’t make a peep. It’s the routine that puts him in a place where going to bed is okay.
But you don’t have to take my word for it, here’s more information.
The new new new Yeah Yeah Yeah’s album was released commercially today. I had my son preview it, and based on his approval (he didn’t immediately rip the headphones off his head) and my love for the last album, I bought it without giving it a listen myself.
Bad move. Below I’ve borrowed a verse from a Destiny’s Child song to describe my thoughts on the album:
I’ll be saying no, no, no, no, no
When they’re saying yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’ll be saying no, no, no, no, no
When they’re saying yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
I’ll be saying no, no, no, no, no
When they’re saying yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Boy I know you want me - [oops went a little too far there]
- No, No, No by Destiny’s Child
“Your task: Donate some to the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Pediatric Prom Dress Drive (1233 York Avenue, between 66th and 67th Streets, 1st floor, suite b101; 212-639-7389) April 8-9, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., and ensure great prom pictures for the center’s young cancer patients.” - Daily Candy
I used to skateboard in my tweenage years. Then when I was around twelve, I was hanging out with a group of my novice skateboarding friends and we decided that we could do what the pros did.
There was a particular trick we were all attempting that involved running up to a motionless board, jumping on, then riding on the rear truck for as long as possible.
It was my turn to attempt this stunt that all before me had failed at. I ran, I jumped, and then I awoke a few hours later in a hospital bed.
My friends thought my momentary unconsciousness was the coolest thing ever, akin to being wounded in combat. They all went on to be average boarders, while I developed a chronic case of deckaphobia.
Now I’m a dad and skateboarding is still that most rad of urban pastimes. I constantly dream of the day I can walk into Modell’s hand-in-hand with my son and purchase his first mini-board.
But until that day (2 to 3 years from now) I am giving him a bit of visual training via Spike Jonez’s ‘Yeah Right
Possibly the best boarding film every made for the common man, I bought the DVD version some time before my wife and I conceived. Since then it has been my companion on many a sleepless night induced by prenatal worry, then pregnancy heartburn, then Brackston-Hicks, then early morning breast feedings, then infant colds.
Fortunately the nights grew longer and my relationship with ‘Yeah Right’ was on the skids. That was until my son developed a liking for that horrid fuzzy little red creature.
‘Yeah Right’ now saves me from Elmo, Barney and all of those hypnotic stuffed talking beasts. My son loves it, and I think it might be in part due to its potential ADD inducing scattershot scene changes (one such film can’t hurt right?).
Because most skaters have I vocabulary that would make grandma have a conniption, and because the music that accompanies the boarding is filled with profane lyrics, we tend to watch the DVD on mute, as I score it with some Clap Your Hands Say Yeah, or Perfuse 73 (I do the same thing should he ever insist on watching the purple giant, and there is also a ‘clean’ version of the DVD).
My son dances, claps his hands (and sometimes says “yeah”), while somewhere in there I know he’s studying the moves. Hopefully I’m not overcompensating for my deckaphobia.
… so the editing of my manuscript Men Are From Mars, Babies Are From Uterus, is supposed to take only 5 hours (according to the experienced editor). We’ll see how that goes.
A friend of a friend wrote a song about a ninety-pound suburban housewife driving in her SUV and decided to call it ‘90lb Suburban Housewife Drivin’ In Her SUV’. Because of it she’s been making all the media rounds lately. The funny thing is that the song, which you can listen to here, sounds like something a hundred and ninety-pound suburban middle-American housewife driving in her SUV would listen to.
“Yupster, alterna-yuppie, grup,” all mild profanities to my ears. So what am I doing on the cover of New York magazine as a visual representation of these terms? It is all part of my diabolical plan to rule THE WORLD!
Last year for Valentine’s Day I was determined to get my wife a provocative gift even though she was only 3 months postpartum and we were both still sporting the puffy purple eyes of parenthood.
I strapped our son to the new chest contraption I could not live without and braved the iffy weather for a trip to Toys In Babeland.
Our entrance to the store was reminiscent of those scenes in old spaghetti westerns when a stranger enters the local saloon. Customers froze with dildos in hand and store clerks weren’t sure whether to show us in or shoo us away.
I had researched the stock online prior to setting foot in the vibe-filled emporium, but like in that other common and more modern film scene, where they guy tries to buy a pack of condoms discreetly at the local pharmacy, the person behind the counter wasn’t aware of the item I requested and had to yell across the room to a fellow employee who was expert in all things electrical.
As this was going on I realized that my infant son and I were the only males in the store. And for all of their talk of equal opportunity sex, the store and staff seemed more apt to aiding militant feminist lesbians release a bit of lonesome tension, than helping a dad who simply wanted to show his partner a good time.
After a trio of employees discussed my purchase (each standing in a different section of the store) then came to the concensus that in order for me to not leave empty handed I would have to purchase ‘apparatus A’ of the two-part item which was in stock at this store, then walk with my Joey to a store at another not-so-close location to acquire ‘apparatus B’.
I was okay with this is theory, purchased half the fun, then headed West.
On arriving at the second larger, brighter and less trafficked store on Grand Street, I was told by the person behind the counter that though “Rivington,” the sister store I just walked from, had said they would call ahead to ensure a smooth transaction, she had no idea what I was talking about.
“It comes as a two-part set,” she said. “I can’t just open it up and give you half.” Which I guess was the very thing the Rivington Street store had done hence them having only one part.
It must have been the endorphins wafting from my tike’s skull, because I surprised myself by not feeling the slight bit angry. I simply paid for a ‘full’ set, asked this store clerk to give a call back to the Rivington Street store and tell them I’d be returning and returning. Then I headed back East.
With one and a half of a set in hand, I entered the Rivington Street store some thirty minutes later and was told that they couldn’t give me my cash back . “We don’t know if you used it,” said the very same store clerk that had just sold me the item. To finally but an end to this erotic excursion, I selected a pair of panties (of equal or lesser value) and tried to hightail it back home before I ran out of precious pre-pumped breast milk.
On the ride home I thought of how totally crazy I must have seemed to the sex toy selling staff and wondered what they were talking about now that I had gone.
A baby-less friend of mine came to visit yesterday. After unwrapping his gift he went to discard the wrapping paper into the trash bin.
“Damn!” He exclaimed on opening the lid. “Your garbage smells like shit. What do you have in it?” “Shit”, I responded matter of factly. “You know what I would suggest,” he continued, “two garbage cans. One for trash and one for diapers.”
At the time I thought, “only a none-baby-having person would not understand the smells that come with a toddler.” But the more I thought about it, the more I realised he was right.
So this weekend I’m visiting the 99 cent store to purchase a second garbage can.
POP’S PICK: The Dou Dou Project Opening night - it’s not an unbiased choice since I’m a huge fan of Davina Z.’s work, and a portrait of my child might be part of the show.
FRIDAY
Dou Dou Opening
Doudou Project: The Exhibit
Opening this Friday, March 24th, 7 to 9pm
Champagne and lemonade
Pomme, 81 Washington Street, DUMBO, Brooklyn
SATURDAY
March Book Bonanza
Meet Caldecott winning artist Betsy Lewin, Caldecott Honor artist Ted Lewin, and the talented Judith Caseley as they introduce their newest books for tots. Books presented include Click, Clack, Splish, Splash: A Counting Adventure, Cowgirl Kate and Cocoa, How Much?, The World’s Greatest Elephant and In Style with Grandma Antoinette.
When: Sat., 3/25, 12-2pm; All ages; Free.
Where: Books of Wonder, 18 W. 18th St., 212-989-3270.
DW’s Blankie
Sony Wonder Technology Lab
550 Madison Avenue, New York, NY 10022
An animated series, based on Marc Brown’s best-selling children’s books, includes three adventures: DW’s Blankie, The Perfect Brother, and Go To Your Room, DW. Movie running time: 40 mins. Call for reservations; unclaimed tickets are distributed starting at 1:45pm day-of-screening. All children must be accompanied by an adult. Closed-captioned. [212.833.7858]
Ages: 0-6
Time: 2pm
Cost: Free
SUNDAY
Avant-Garde-Arama for the Whole Family
Enjoy a day of cutting-edge performances hosted by Ulysses S. Dee and Booker Dee of the kid-rock group the DeedleDeedleDees, including a dance performance from STREB Kids, theater from the Stuyvesant High School Improv Troupe, puppetry from Robin Goldwasser’s Deeply Felt Puppet Theater, and a musical performance by the band Too Busy Being Bored, featuring Forrest “Fire” Gray.
When: Sun., 3/26, 4 & 7pm; Ages 2+; $5/Adults $3/Kids (Under 2 Free); Order tickets in advance.
Where: P.S. 122, 150 First Ave. at 9th St., 212-477-5288, ps122.org.
Baby Loves Disco
Northsix
66 North 6th Street, in Williamsburg
An afternoon dance party featuring real music spun and mixed by real djs. Families can dance to disco tunes from the 70s & 80s in an atmosphere rife with bubble machines and retire to a chill-out room (with tents, books and puzzles). Diaper changing stations, a full spread of healthy snacks, and dancing await. At Northsix.
Time: 2pm-5pm
Cost: $10
+++
MONDAY
Willy Bee’s
302 Metropolitan Avenue, Brooklyn 11211
FREE DEMO CLASS
Downtown Babies
Monday, March 27th
9:30 - 10:15 (1s, 2s, 3s and 4s)
10:30 - 11:15 (Infants & Non-walkers/beginners)
Downtown Babies offers a variety of creative activity sessions to encourage
learning in a fun atmosphere. Our carefully designed sessions have a
variety of activities to stimulate and entertain children and adults.
In a 45 minute class you can enjoy…
*Action Songs & Dancing
*Storytelling & Puppet Play
*Music, Creative Movement and Yoga
*Finger Plays & Nursery Rhymes
Interested caregivers should call 212.217.2716 or send an email to info@downtownbabies.com to
reserve your space.
Yes, the blue, talking, cookie-eating monster is correct. But ‘C’ is also Coxsakie, that incredibly contagious cootie named for the now infamous town in Upstate New York.
Unlike the other things Cookie Monster says ‘C’ is for, Coxsackie – with its symptoms of oral and topical sores – is no fun. It’s even less fun when my 17 month old is suffering from it.
The virus that is supposed to last 3 days to a week, is on its sixth day as I write this, and though he’s getting no worse, the pain and discomfort is enough to keep our normally joyful son miserable and whiny all day and at night.
One thing I’ve discovered that works to ease what I imagine to be itchy discomfort is Maalox. Both BabyCenter.com and our pediatrician recommended swabbing the affected areas with the upset stomach reliever. It really does work. Something contained in the medicinal makeup of Maalox coats the sores and makes it much easier for him to eat and drink.
For the fever and pain he’s on a steady diet of momma’s lovin’ and Motrin (a better choice than Tylenol for its anti-inflammatory qualities).
He’s also under a voluntary quarantine since it would be unfair to risk infecting another child, putting other parents through the numerous sleep-interrupted nights my wife and I have had since the onset of Coxsackie (also even more horribly known as Hand, Foot and Mouth disease).
Not to mention that though most information states that adults have enough antibodies to fight off the virus, I am suffering sympathetic symptoms of phantom canker sores (that’s the closest adult comparison the pediatrician could come up with) and loss of appetite.
With not much social interaction since the sores appeared on his tongue, and way too much Sesame Street on DVD, I feel as if my son is suffering some serious cabin fever – or could it just be me. Luckily there is a park close to our apartment that is not well visited, so I, I mean he gets a bit of outdoors time.
Coxsakie sucks! Read more here.
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